Write On Mallory
by Red Witch
Summary: Mallory attempts to write her memoirs. But as usual, her staff gets in the way.


**Mallory stole the disclaimer saying I don't own any Archer characters. And then Pam's potty mouth ruined it. She just won't stop swearing will she? Just some madness that ran through my mind. And speaking of mad writers…**

 **Write On Mallory**

"All right Mother," Archer sighed as he and the other members of the agency entered her office. "What stupid pointless reason do you have to yell at us **now?** What the…?"

Mallory was at her desk surrounded by tons of papers and a pile of books. "Oh right I told you there was a meeting this morning," She sighed as she took off her reading glasses. "I forgot about that."

"You actually **forgot** about a meeting to insult and berate us?" Lana asked.

"I know. But I was just so caught up in my work I…" Mallory frowned. "You seem to be one idiot short of a village. Where's Krieger?"

"He's having one of his 'Where is This Relationship Going' talks with both his hologram girlfriend and his latest pig experiment," Ray sighed.

"So we thought it would be best if they were all left back in the lab," Lana added.

"Smart choice," Mallory groaned. "I don't really need him right now anyway."

"Obviously," Archer looked at her desk. "What is all this stuff?"

"Well Archer these are called **books,** " Ray drawled as he pointed to the paper. "And those are clearly papers with words written on them…Which means your mother is doing something called **research.** "

"I know what that is literally, Ray!" Archer barked.

" **Do you** Sterling?" Mallory asked. "Because during your academic years the only book I saw you crack open was a _How to Dominate at Lacrosse_ playbook. And even then there was still a Playboy hidden in it."

"I was referring to why you had all these papers and books and look like you're studying for next week's finals!" Archer snapped.

"Again it's something called research," Ray gave him a look.

"And again Sterling I'm not so sure you even know what **that** is," Mallory drawled.

"You know what I mean Mother," Archer was frustrated. "What is all this?"

"Since this office isn't exactly doing gangbusters financially as a spy agency I thought I would try another approach to make some money," Mallory explained. "I'm going to write my memoirs."

"That _Secrets in Silk_ thing you've been talking about for the past ten years?" Archer asked.

" _Secrets_ _ **and**_ _Silk_!" Mallory corrected.

"I mean seriously Mother," Archer scoffed. "You've been talking about writing that stupid book for years and…"

"And I've written quite a bit!" Mallory interrupted. "It's all about a young idealistic Upper East Side girl who wants to be an actress called to serve her country…"

"And ends up sleeping with half of Europe while blowing up the other half," Pam quipped.

"Giving blow jobs as well as blowing up…" Cheryl added.

"Shut up you two!" Mallory snapped. "This book is a sweeping saga as well as a racy memoir. It has everything. Action, adventure, intrigue, history, romance. This book will make _Gone with the Wind_ look like a Highlights for Children magazine!"

"Frankly Mother I don't give a damn," Archer quipped.

"Then don't come crying to me for money when those royalty checks start rolling in," Mallory snapped. "I'm just taking my time. Making sure this book is done the right way. And that some of the individuals I write about are actually dead so I don't get sued for libel."

"Not to mention you need to remember which person you slept with first, what country you were in at the time and if you killed them or not?" Lana asked.

"That alone is a lot more complicated than I thought," Mallory sighed. "I could have sworn I had a threesome with Buddy Rich and Wolfgang Fischer. Good thing I kept a lot of secret records! **That** would have been embarrassing!"

"So it's basically like Fifty Shades of Grey only with Nazis, fascists and the KGB?" Ray asked.

"Hey sex sells and I've got plenty," Mallory told him.

"Phrasing…ugh…!" Archer shuddered.

"It's not all sex! Although I admit that is one of the major selling points," Mallory said. "But there's other elements in this book that will make it great."

"Like what?" Archer asked.

"Like the fact of a woman coming of age during wartime?" Mallory asked. "Navigating her way through the male dominated world of spying and forming her own agency! The hidden stories behind the stories of what really happened during the war! And what happened after!"

"And aren't you concerned that some people might find some of those details **classified?** " Lana asked. "Or embarrassing depending on the circumstances? Especially if they are really high up in government?"

"That's where the whole _I'm making sure these people are_ _ **dead**_ part comes in," Mallory gave Lana a look. "Let's just say it could be a while before this book comes out. And not because I'm dragging my feet."

"More like not enough people are six feet under," Cheryl snorted.

"Pretty much yeah," Mallory admitted with a shrug.

"Will I finally be able to find out who my father is if I read this book?" Archer glared at his mother.

"Sterling I told you if I ever find out who your father is you will be the **second** to know," Mallory glared at him. "Now shut up. This is important. I need you all to help me with some little things for my book. Nothing major. Some proofreading. A few fact checks. Maybe glace at the obituary column and see if anyone on my list is dead…"

"I do that pretty much with my own list anyway," Pam admitted. "I'll give it a whirl."

"You have a list of people you check to see who's dead?" Ray asked.

"Yeah. It's mostly relatives but when I see someone I know and hate is dead, it just makes my day!" Pam grinned.

"Me too!" Cheryl said cheerfully.

"All right Pam," Mallory handed her a two page list of papers. "If any of these people are dead check them off and let me know."

"Ooh! Goody! A new project!" Pam grinned. "That'll kill like five minutes of my day."

"I'll help!" Cheryl spoke up. "I like to read about who died and laugh at them because I'm still alive."

"Cyril you can help me write the screen play for my autobiography," Mallory said.

"You haven't even written the book yet!" Cyril protested. "Don't you think it's a little soon to think about movies?"

"Haven't you ever heard of striking while the iron is hot?" Mallory snapped. "I want to be fully prepared when _Secrets and Silk_ comes out. I'm not going to be like that fantasy writer who's five seasons into his TV show and he hasn't even finished his second to last book yet!"

"Speaking of books what are all these?" Lana pointed to the pile of books on Mallory's desk.

"Oh those are for a separate project," Mallory said. "Those my old diaries I kept as a young girl that I dug out of storage. At first I was just going to use them for inspiration at the start of my novel. But then I had a better idea!"

"Burn them in the fireplace?" Cheryl asked.

"No, you pyromaniac nymphomaniac!" Mallory snapped. "I was looking around for a little treat for my granddaughter when I came across this interesting phenomenon. There are these realistic dolls for girls that come from different time periods with their own clothes and books and everything."

"You mean the American Girl dolls," Lana pointed out.

"Yes those!" Mallory nodded. "Do you know this franchise even has its own shop? And bookstore? And a tea room of all things!"

"I knew that," Ray said.

"Big shock," Mallory rolled her eyes. "Well this got me to thinking…"

"That your life is sad and pathetic and you should end it all by drinking poison?" Cheryl asked.

"Shut up for the rest of the year," Mallory glared at Cheryl. She went back to the others. "I could sell my life story to this franchise! Think of it! Mallory! The Next American Girl Doll!"

"I didn't know that they did cavewoman American Girl dolls," Cheryl spoke up. "She should come with her own pet dinosaur!"

"Is this doll going to have her own bottle of Absinthe and spout abusive racist sayings when you pull her string?" Ray snorted.

Cheryl laughed and made a motion of pulling a string on her back. "Well people in Hell want ice water!" She made robot motions. "You are all whore-diots! That's how you get ants! Krrrkkk!"

"You know…?" Mallory glared at Cheryl and Ray.

"Don't forget the pearl necklace and gun accessories," Pam added. "And another big ass bottle of Scotch."

"Wait I have something for this!" Archer spoke up.

"Does she also come with her own sex tape?" Pam laughed.

"Damn it Pam! Ugh!" Archer fumed.

"Or cocaine!" Lana added.

"Yes! Her own cocaine!" Pam added.

"And a book of plots from the CIA," Lana added.

"Come on guys! You're taking all the good ones!" Archer shouted.

"Oh! How about a mini fur coat?" Cyril spoke up. "Stained with the blood of her enemies!"

"Good one!" Ray laughed.

"God damn it!" Archer shouted. "I have to get the next one! Damn it! I **had** something for this!"

"Crass tasteless jokes aside," Mallory huffed. "As soon as my memoirs hits the best seller list I can shop this to that doll company. And the best part is those books are mostly in diary form. All I have to do is copy what I've written and jot down the best parts! The work's already been done on that front!"

"July 23," Lana read one of the diaries. "So disappointed I could scream. Our yachting trip with Uncle Thomas has been canceled due do his dying of some weird sex disease he got sleeping with some prostitute. Have to go to the funeral instead. I hate wearing black!"

"See? It's relevant!" Mallory protested. "Children need to learn to deal with disappointment and unexpected death!"

"And what a hooker is and the dangers of sex diseases," Ray quipped.

"And that black thing was just a phase. I was really into pastel pink when I was a little girl," Mallory ignored Ray.

"I've got one!" Archer shouted. "A dog that died from eating chocolate! HA! Get it? Because her dog died from eating chocolate? Huh?"

Everyone gave him a look. "That one is just too mean," Ray said.

"Yeah!" Pam said. "Where are your freaking boundaries?"

"Seriously, get a clue!" Cheryl snapped.

"Inappropes," Cyril folded his arms.

"What? How is that worse than anything **you said?"** Archer shouted.

"If you have to ask…" Pam rolled her eyes.

"I know. Some people just don't know how to be civil," Cheryl agreed.

"Moving past Sterling's insensitivity," Mallory glared at her son. "This could be a lucrative opportunity."

"You really believe parents are going to buy little doll versions of **you**?" Lana asked.

"Depends on what accessories comes with her," Ray reminded her.

"And the best part of it all those stuck up bitches from the Women's Club that kicked me out will have to buy it because all their granddaughters are addicted to those dolls!" Mallory went on.

"And I'm guessing that Trudy Beekman is one of them," Ray sighed.

" **There** it is!" Archer groaned.

"She has to buy at least five! What with those bratty grandnieces of hers!" Mallory crowed. "Oh she'll just die as her grandnieces and girls around the world fall in love with me! And I become famous!"

"Yeah I can imagine the book series now," Lana groaned. "Meet Mallory: America's newest elitist best friend!"

"Mallory's First Hangover," Ray quipped.

"Mallory Learns A Lesson on How to Properly Discipline Her Servants," Cyril quipped.

"Mallory's First Assassination!" Pam added.

"Mallory Tells Her Story to the Police," Cheryl added.

"Mallory Makes Up A Story for the CIA," Ray added.

"Mallory Discovers a Secret and Uses Blackmail," Cyril spoke up.

"Malory and The Missing Pearls Which She Stole," Pam added.

"Mallory's First Bomb Threat," Lana added.

"How about _Mallory Fires All of Her Idiot Employees and Kicks Them Out On the_ _Street?_ " Mallory snapped.

"How about _Mallory Can't Get Any Other Employees to Work For Her and Is Stuck_ _With_ _Us?_ " Cheryl challenged. "And _Mallory's Agency That She's Worked on All Her Sad Bitter Life_ _Gets Shut Down_?"

"Damn it…" Mallory swore, knowing Cheryl was right.

"Yeah we all figured out we had job security a year ago when the cocaine cartel started," Pam snorted.

"I've got one!" Archer spoke up. "Mallory's First Honeypot Mission!"

Everyone glared at him. "How drunk **are you**?" Lana shouted.

"So inappropes it is not funny!" Ray snapped.

"Seriously what is **wrong** with you?" Cyril snapped at Archer.

"And that's **him** saying that," Ray quipped.

"You know…?" Cyril glared at Ray.

"What? What was wrong with **that one?"** Archer shouted.

"Who are you hanging out with?" Cheryl shouted. "Roman Polanski and Gary Glitter?"

"A children's doll used as a sexual object? Nice going dick nuts!" Pam snapped.

"How is that any different than Barbie?" Archer shouted.

Cheryl's eyes flashed. "Don't you dare diss Barbie bitch!" She started hitting Archer on the head.

"OWW! OWW! OWW! MOTHER! MAKE HER STOP! MAKE HER STOP!" Archer screamed as Cheryl attacked.

"So as I was saying," Mallory casually went on. "Most of you can help me with this project."

"AAAAAAAHHH! CHERYL STOP SCRATCHING ME!" Archer screamed.

"Aside from Sterling for obvious reasons," Mallory shrugged.

"Yeah okay," Cyril said.

"No problem," Ray remarked.

"Why not?" Lana sighed.

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Cheryl you can stop hitting him now," Mallory groaned. "God Sterling you sound like a pig! And not just figuratively."

Cheryl stopped hitting Archer. "That one wasn't me," Archer blinked.

"SQUEEEEEEEEE!"

"COME BACK HERE!" Krieger was heard shouting.

Something green and glowing ran into the office. "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Is that pig **glowing**?" Cyril yelled.

"Piggly I presume?" Archer quipped.

The pig squealed and seemed to bare its teeth. "Uh do pigs usually show their fangs like that?" Cheryl asked.

"Since pigs don't have fangs…NO!" Pam shouted. The pig made angry noises.

"They also usually don't glow green and threaten to attack people!" Ray said as the gang started to back away from the overheated ham hock.

"PIGGLY! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Krieger shouted as he ran in. Just then Piggly grew brighter and it's back seemed to spark. "Piggly…NO! NO! Bad Pig!"

"Time to make some green eggs and ham!" Lana pulled out her weapons.

"Damn it! I should have said that!" Archer groaned. "I am so off my game today!"

"NO! YOU SHOOT THE PIG IT MIGHT SET OFF A CHAIN REACTION!" Krieger stopped her.

"What kind of chain reaction?" Lana shouted.

"A very loud very explode-y kind," Krieger said.

"WHAT?" Lana shouted.

"I made a few modifications with Piggly 3.5…" Krieger began.

"Krieger remind me to make some modifications to you, you nitwit Nazi nincompoop!" Mallory shouted.

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Piggly's eyes glowed red and sparks seemed to come out of its mouth and snout.

"RUN!" Ray shouted as the radioactive pig advanced on them.

The entire staff ran out the door. "Lock the door! Lock the door!" Archer shouted as he, Lana and Ray slammed the door behind them and held it.

The door buckled for a few moments as Piggly slammed into it a few times. Then stopped. "I can't believe we almost got our asses kicked by bacon," Lana groaned.

"Good Piggly is locked in there," Krieger said.

"What the hell set off that hyperactive ham hock in the first place?" Ray shouted.

"Piggly 3.5 has some issues," Krieger said. "And since I put him on a diet it hasn't helped his attitude problem. Or his paper eating addiction."

"Paper eating…? Uh oh!" Cyril blinked.

"What do you mean by 'uh oh'?" Mallory shouted. The sounds of Piggly eating paper were heard. "What the… **NO!"**

"I think Piggly went off his diet," Cheryl giggled.

"KRIEGER DO SOMETHING! DON'T YOU HAVE A TRANQUELIZER GUN OR SOMETHING?" Mallory shouted.

"I do!" Krieger said. "In my lab. I had to recalibrate…"

"GET THE DAMN TRANQUILIZERS AND GET THAT DAMN GLOWING GARBAGE DISPOSAL OUT OF MY OFFICE BEFORE IT DESTROYS EVERYTHING!" Mallory ordered. "NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!"

"We'd better help," Ray suggested to Lana.

"Yup," Lana nodded and the three of them ran to the lab.

"I wanna shoot the pig too!" Archer shouted as he ran after them.

"Nice to know for once they're not referring to me," Pam said cheerfully.

"For once I wish it was…" Mallory groaned. "Then there would be no problems putting a bullet through your tiny brain."

"Well at least Piggly is getting his fiber," Pam added.

"I'd rather it was getting its iron!" Mallory snapped. "As in an iron bullet through its brain!"

Cheryl put her head next to the door. "Wow he's really chewing away in there! Chew Piggly! Chew! Chew!"

"Maybe if I shove you in there the pig will eat you?" Mallory growled. "Who knows? Maybe it has a taste for human flesh?"

"You can't feed Cheryl to the radioactive pig," Pam said. "Billionaire. Remember?"

Mallory made a sound of revulsion. "You know one of these days the idea of your death will outweigh the need for your money."

"Yeah that's not gonna happen," Cheryl scoffed. "And we both know it."

"That is pretty unlikely," Pam agreed.

"And the only reason I don't throw you in there is because not only will that swine mistake you for a relative, you might eat some of my notes as well!" Mallory glared at Pam.

"Well if we're going to be totally honest…" Pam admitted. "It's not exactly outside the realm of possibility."

"It's eating my memoirs and my book!" Mallory shouted as she heard another squeal. "Just once I'd like a year without some kind of pig related incident around here! Is that too much to ask?"

"Wow I know your plans are so bad they usually turn into shit but never **literally** have they turned into actual shit," Pam snorted. "Because you know? Pigs eat and their waste goes through the digestive system? And all your book stuff is now in its stomach and digestive system and is literally as we speak turning into…"

"PAM SHUT UP!" Mallory yelled.

Pam waited a beat. "Shit. Real actual honest to goodness pig sh-…"

At this Mallory started slapping Pam. Cheryl squealed with joy.

"All right!" Krieger shouted as he and the others came armed with tranquilizing dart guns. "Let's do this! I'm coming Piggly!"

"Phrasing…No wait…" Archer thought it over. "That is a little too weird."

" **That's** what you find weird in this situation?" Lana shouted. _"Really?"_

"Why are you mad at me?" Archer shouted. "This is Krieger's fault! Not mine!"

"Yeah my bad. I really should put stronger locks on my lab door," Krieger frowned.

"How about opening this door and taking out that rampaging green razorback!" Mallory shouted. She had stopped slapping Pam.

"Piggly isn't a razorback. For one thing he doesn't have tusks!" Archer corrected. "A better description would be…Damn it! I had something for this!"

"The Incredible Hunk of Ham?" Ray quipped. "Or his alter ego, Peter Porker?"

"God Damn it!" Archer groaned. "I just don't have it today!"

"You're going to **get it** if you don't get in there and stop that animal!" Mallory shouted.

"Wait we should have a plan before…" Lana began.

"SOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Archer hollered at the top of his lungs before kicking open the door.

Well attempted to kick open the door. "God damn it all to Hell!" He screamed as he hopped around on one foot.

"Kicking down the door which is made of reinforced steel," Lana finished. "With a magnetized lock."

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Archer winced.

"Which really isn't a very smart move if you think about it," Ray said nonchalantly.

"No, it is not," Lana sighed.

"I am surrounded by **idiots!** " Mallory groaned.

Cheryl was laughing with glee. "He! He! This is so much fun! We should do this every day!"

"Should I uh, push that button on Cheryl's desk?" Cyril asked.

"YES!" Mallory shouted.

"Wait there's a button on my desk that opens the door?" Cheryl asked. "Why?"

"In case of situations like this when some **animal** locks itself in my office!" Mallory shouted. "Admittedly I always thought it would be either Sterling or Pam…"

"So I could have locked you inside your office at any time and I didn't even know about it?" Cheryl asked.

"The master controls are in my office so no! You couldn't!" Mallory snapped.

"But if the master controls are in the office wouldn't the pig just push the button and…?" Pam began.

"It's keyed to my thumbprint! So no!" Mallory shouted.

"Oh. That's smart," Cheryl nodded. "Pigs don't have thumbs."

"NEITHER WILL ANY OF YOU IF YOU DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR AND TAKE OUT THAT PIECE OF RENEGADE BACON!" Mallory screamed.

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Piggly was heard inside.

"Every God damn second you waste with your inane questions and your jack-assery that walking pork chop is devouring my life story as well as potential **millions** of dollars!" Mallory screamed. "Not to mention destroying my office which I barely had renovated! SO GET IN THERE AND GET THE STUPID PIG BEFORE I SERVE YOU ALL UP ON A PLATTER SMOTHERED IN BARBECUE SAUCE!"

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Uh oh," Krieger gulped as the sound of a ruckus was heard inside. "You should **not** have said the word 'barbecue'. It's a trigger word."

"GET IN THERE BEFORE I PULL AN **ACTUAL TRIGGER** AND SHOOT YOUR BRAINS OUT!" Mallory screamed. "THEN COVER THEM IN BARBECUE SAUCE AND FEED THEM TO SHARKS!"

"SQUEEEEEEE!"

"Okay fine!" Archer snapped. "Let me in Piggly! Or I'm gonna huff and I'm gonna puff and I'm gonna…" He kicked the door again. "OWWWW! GOD DAMN IT!"

"Uh did you think the door made of reinforced steel was just going to fold in the second time you kicked it or…?" Ray blinked as Archer hopped around on one foot.

"Yeah it didn't work the first time," Cyril said.

"Ow! OW! OW!" Archer hopped around on one foot.

"If you want **anything** done **right** around here…" Mallory snarled as she grabbed the tranquilizer gun from Archer. Then pushed the button on Cheryl's desk. "ALL RIGHT PORKY! TH-TH-THAT'S ALL FOLKS! IT'S **BARBECUE** TIME!" She stormed into her office.

"NO! NO! WAIT!" Krieger warned.

"SQUEEEEEE!"

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT!

"OH DEAR GOD WHAT IS **THAT SMELL**?" Mallory screamed. The others screamed and shouted at the smell.

"I tried to warn you!" Krieger shouted. " **That word** makes Piggly fart. And since its farts are highly powered and slightly radioactive…"

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTT!

"SQUEEEEEEE!"

 **KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**

SHATTER!

"Gentlemen…" Krieger coughed as he witnessed the pig shaped hole in the glass. "We have liftoff!"

"So the pig's farts can…?" Ray did a double take.

"Yes," Krieger nodded. "For some reason especially when it eats…"

"MY DIARIES!" Mallory screamed. There were papers torn shredded everywhere in her office. And the diaries all seemed to have huge bite marks in all of them.

"Well any kind of paper actually," Krieger shrugged. "I think it's the fiber."

"All my papers! My childhood memories! My notes I've kept for over forty years! My book outline! **Gone!** " Mallory wailed. "Ten years of work gone in **ten minutes**!"

"On the bright side the hole Piggly made in the window is sucking out the pig fart smell," Pam suggested.

"Wow it not only crashed through the industrial strength glass, it **melted it** ," Archer whistled as he looked at the damage. "Look at it! That pig melted glass!"

"As it barreled through a ten story window," Lana was stunned.

"I thought it was more like fifteen?" Cheryl spoke up. "Oh well…"

"And Piggly is still in the air," Cyril was stunned as he looked out the window. "Propelled by its own farts."

"Wow look at that pig go!" Cheryl squealed. "We're flying the bacon skies tonight!"

"I've heard the saying **when pigs fly** but I never thought I would see it **literally** happen," Ray's jaw dropped.

"Actually I have seen it before," Pam spoke up. "Me and my cousins once attached some rockets to a pig's back. That little guy flew clear across town. Right into the school cafeteria. On Rib Day. The irony was not lost on a lot of people."

"Wow this is gonna cost a lot of money to repair," Archer pointed to the broken glass. Mallory make a choking sound. "Are you all right Mother?"

"Over fifty years of my life…gone," Mallory groaned as she looked at the damage. "Down the crapper…"

"Well technically not yet," Krieger said. "It's still in Piggly's digestive system and…"

"Shut up!" Mallory shouted. "Just **shut up**!" She started to slap him repeatedly.

"KA-BOOOOOOOOOOM!"

The ground briefly shook. "Oh dear God **now what happened**?" Mallory yelled.

"The Piggly has landed," Archer said. "Well exploded."

"It hit the Lehman Brothers building," Lana gasped.

"No big loss," Ray quipped. "Oh wait it's still standing."

"Awww…" Cheryl pouted. "I wanted to see Lehman Brothers burn."

"I know, honey," Ray patted her back. "So do a lot of people."

"Oh well. There's plenty more Pigglys where that came from," Krieger said.

"Please tell me you're speaking figuratively," Cyril groaned.

"Uh…." Krieger paused.

"Never mind!" Cyril snapped.

"So to recap our situation…" Lana said. "Mostly because I can't believe it actually happened. Even though I just saw it with my own eyes…A flying radioactive pig escaped from our agency and exploded causing damage to a major global financial services firm."

"Wow that is going to be really hard to explain to the CIA," Archer said.

"YOU THINK?" Mallory shouted. "Great! I'm going to have to make up another KBG attack on our building again! No, better make it random terrorists. I need to change it up a little."

"Can I still look up those people on that list each week to see if they're dead?" Pam asked.

"Sure! **Why not?"** Mallory said sarcastically. "Maybe I'll get lucky and you'll be in the obituaries too!"

"So I'm guessing no rush on that movie script?" Archer asked. Everyone looked at him.

"Why couldn't the pig have eaten **you** lot instead?" Mallory moaned.


End file.
